Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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