I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize