Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
