in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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