I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
