hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
someone get that fucking seahorse.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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