If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
