we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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