You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
