dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
