Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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