maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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