Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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