There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
