Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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