Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
