As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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