The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
