He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think my moral compass just broke
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