remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
