hell yes lets make some ravioli
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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