He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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