I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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