Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
