four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
