that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize