Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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