And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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