I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
