Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
