when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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