I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
