Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
