I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
