Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize