Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
