I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize