After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I love you. Go after that dick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
