just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
