I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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