I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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