is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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