I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
