She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize