did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
