dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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