I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize