Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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