Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
