I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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