i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
