You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
