U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
