your parents love me but you hate me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
