I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
