the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
