awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
