And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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