i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
