a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
my poor anus
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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