Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
