Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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