Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
