That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
