omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
