just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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