I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
