I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
