so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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