Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
