Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize