Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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