K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
